We all want to better relationships. Research shows those who do live longer and have greater self esteem.
What’s not to like? But some of us are clueless; we have never truly seen deep love in action and we don’t know the steps to take.
How to “Love better” is the most requested skill of clients who come into my office with relationship distress.
Here is a list of suggestions:
How to Love Better
1. Spend some time each day meditating. Reflect on relating to your self and others in a positive manner.
2. Review your needs and remember all human beings have the same basic needs.
3. Check your intention. Are you as interested in others getting their needs met as you are in getting yours?
4. When asking someone to do something, check first to see if you are making a request or a demand.
5. Instead of saying what we DON’T want someone to do, say what we Do want, specify the positive action we want. Instead of saying to a child, “Don’t bully others.” Try saying, “Do kind things for others.”
6. Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what ACTION we’d like the person to take. For example, instead of saying, “I want you to be more romantic,” say, “I would like you to buy me roses this week.”
7. Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone’s opinions, try tuning into what the person is FEELING and NEEDING. For example instead of saying, “I don’t agree with your strict parenting style“ try saying, “You feel dedicated your child’s welfare and you have a need to structure their lives for success.”
8. Instead of saying, “NO”, say what need of ours is preventing us from saying, “YES”. For example, instead of saying, “No football tonight.“ Try, “I understand you want to watch football but I have a need for more family time.”
9. If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what’s wrong with others.
10. Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours was met by the action. For example, instead of saying, “Thank you for taking out the garbage,” say “When you take out the garbage it shows me that you care about helping me.”
A traditional Irish charm for love says, “O Woman, loved by me, mayest thou give me thy heart, thy soul and thy body.” These ten tips will open your heart, soul and body to love.
CAMILLE CURTIS FOSTER LCSW
Please “Like” my Facebook page:
https://www.facebook.com/UtahMentalHealthServices
A TED talk on the sex starved marriage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep2MAx95m20
(Source: Center for Nonviolent Communication)
