Concerns

“I believe that appreciation is a holy thing and when we look for what’s best in a person we happen to be with, at the moment, we’re doing what God does all the time. So, in loving and appreciating our neighbor we’re participating in something sacred.”  Fred Rogers How do we show appreciation to our…

How would you live if there was no tomorrow but only today?  A popular hymn gives this advice: Today while the sun shines, work with a will Today all your duties fulfill Today, today work with a will There is no tomorrow but only today. The phrase, only today, describes a skill called “present moment…

Many of us have feel the righting urge when others are making mistakes. We try to right them, because it appears they are in a free fall. It works for cats but unfortunately, people often have the opposite reaction when we attempt to right them. They vigorously reject our corrections and either defend or go…

Unmotivated: Disheartened, dampen, dispirited, overwhelmed, discouraged The change process is difficult Many times clients get discouraged with the journey of change. Be it losing weight, staying sober, fighting depression or numerous other issues, everyone starts off with enthusiasm and confidence but midway they lose stamina and contemplate quitting. Indeed, the change process can be overwhelming.…

Perfection is an illusion. But
we accept the mantra in our heads saying, perfection is possible, we should strive for it at all times and once we reach the state of perfection, we will be happy.

When someone hurts our feelings, it is hard to see beyond three choices: Have an angry confrontation Say nothing but get even Say nothing and feel bad Three examples: Bill felt angry at recent actions from his neighborhood HOA board. He fired off an angry email to the president. The president became defensive and forwarded…

How To Fight For You Discouragement comes to us all. But some people find something deep inside of themselves helping them survive situations where others fail. They successfully navigate through trials. They find courage in their inner courage. They fight. What is that something? If you had it would it raise your self-esteem? Would you…

  Depression has many causes. Sometimes depression is organic and can be treated with medication. Sometimes depression is situational, meaning it is caused by the way we organize our thoughts or feelings about situations in our lives. Sometimes it is both situational and organic. Situational depression can be treated by working to reorganize our thinking…

TIPS When you get stressed or overwhelmed ask yourself, “Is there another way to see this situation?” Change your mind set from forecasting disaster to problem solving. Think of a person you admire who makes handles stress well. Ask yourself, “What would they do in my situation?” Physical movement can create emotional movement and get…

Often we are our own harshest critics. The lecture that plays in our head is much more unkind than any thing spoken out loud by our bosses or associates.

You must be careful and aware of how you talk to yourself because you are listening and it does affect your self esteem.

  Here is a clip from an interview I did gave an anxiety coping skills.

My Unfortunate Cherry Tree Worthless, puny and scrawny were the words best describing my 20-year-old cherry tree. Despite the passage of time, the tree never grew. Before chopping it down, I asked a gardener, “Why isn’t the tree thriving?” He carefully looked it over and said, “This tree trunk is knocked once a week when…

Future pull “Back to the Future” is a 1985 American science-fiction adventure comedy film where Marty McFly goes into the future to fix the present.  What would happen if you could go to the future and create your better self? When people first seek therapy, they are often focused on the past and what isn’t working. Change…

During the 9/11 Terrorist’s attacks, Howard Lutnick was the CEO of Cantor Fitzgerald. When the Twin Towers collapsed, he lost his brother, his best friend and 658 of his employees.  During those first tragic years, Lutnick desperately wanted to keep the company a float so he could pay the victim’s families death benefits.  Amazingly, he…

  In a great relationship there is RECIPROCITY and the POWER is shared.  Both people’s thoughts, feelings and preferences are important.  But some people are emotionally unhealthy and unable to negotiate relationships in that manner.   Emotionally unhealthy partners don’t comprehend the concept of MUTUALITY because they need POWER OVER.    Here are some questions…

Yet is a common English word that when used as a conjunction is equivalent to “but” or “nevertheless”.  It means at a future time, in spite of a preceding event. A psychiatrist friend of mine named Betty, claimed YET was her favorite word. Betty would tell clients, “I know your story is discouraging and it’s…

Mistakes are a normal stage of growth. But too often we don’t relax and learn from our mistakes. We became paralyzed perfectionists because we don’t want to make a mistake. In a recent study two groups of students were taught random words. One group was coached and told, “Mistakes are normal and will be a…

Why Did You Do That? No one likes to be challenged about their mistakes.  It is human nature to get defensive and argumentative when questioned. The brain seems to shut down with a “why” question.  For example, can you remember as a child being asked a question like, “Why did you spill the milk?”  Do…

Do you find yourself doubting your beauty? A recent Dove documentary shows an artist sketching with his back to women as they describe themselves. After first completion of the first sketch the artist draws the women as an acquaintance describes them. The second rendering is strikingly more attractive than the first; participants recognize they see…

Self Control When a child is out of control, parents get controlling. But this reaction does not teach your child self- regulation. In the long term, an over control style can trigger resentment or rebellion in the child and does not create an internal locus of control. The 1960’s Stanford Marshmallow Experiment has been the…

Gritty people dig deep and stick with tasks year after year. They have the passion and determination to work at their goals like a marathon and not a sprint. They have courage, resilience and character. They find success.

Clients suffering from anxiety are challenged to shift their thoughts from the future and stay in the present moment, which is a good temporary strategy. But you also need forward planning in order in ensure the best outcome.

You have to keep all three—the past, present and future in mind to avoid a life of regrets.

Empathy is not only vital in presidential races but in communities and families as well. How the election turned on one empathy-lacking phrase from Hillary.

Family gatherings with difficult people can be demanding on our emotional resiliency. But keep in mind four basic rules for successful holiday gatherings.

Before you decide you’re in love, go through these questions and think about the character of the person you are considering marrying.

Everyone can benefit from an unexpected dopamine rush stimulated by surprise. Try it, you will enjoy pleasure response which can help lift depression.

While it is common to joke about ADHD, only about 3%-5% of the population meets diagnostic criteria. Likely your child’s inordinate energy, inattentiveness and impulsive acts are age appropriate and driven by holiday excitement.

Fight? Flight? Freeze? Next time you are worried or distressed, try self-soothing using these 10 techniques.

If we name our emotions or needs, we can tame them and reduce anxiety.

Focus attention on the obstacles and you will be demobilized. Focus on the clear path, or the positive events and you will become energized.

Likely, you are stronger and more resilient than you know IF you accurately understand your strengths and resources.

We all suffer and experience grief and pain. But we can endure it well, if we attach meaning to our suffering.

We need to roll with resistance to avoid the harms of the righting impulse.

Modern life is full of stressors. Reconnecting to the simplicity and beauty of nature is calming to our souls.

Understand how your brain chemistry—progression comes from small actions every day.

Using these strategies, it is possible to fight successfully with unfair people and either find common ground or maintain your integrity and self esteem.

Research shows that those who can create significant relationships are happier. Here are 10 ways to show more love.

Principles of successful relationships from my father’s life.

Follow the good samaritan’s example of relationship boundaries to avoid burn out.

SAD is a mood disorder causing depression in people during winter months. Helpful suggestion for combating depression.

Good parenting is a balancing act; we can’t rescue them from the consequences of their choices yet we need to be present and convey empathy and nurturing.

Our kids can do hard things. Quit helping them with tasks they are capable of doing by themselves. Let them experiences the consequences of their actions.

For self esteem a child need to feel a valuable part of a GROUP AND precious as an INDIVIDUAL

It is not easy to really see your child; our vision is clouded by our ego. We get confused how our child is versus how we wish they would be. But a child needs to feel accepted for their strengths and weaknesses.

If you have friends who struggle with addiction or mental illness, encourage them to talk about it and listen without judgement. There are resources to help.

Too often married woman are loyal to their partners but aren’t in love and they don’t feel cherished. When a woman doesn’t feel loved she can become critical, unresponsive and have a low sexual desire.

Let adult children take responsibility for their choices and express faith in them to change their situation.

When you live your ideal life, you are tapped into an energy current of love, grace, talent, patience and beauty. You attract positive situations and people into your life.

Avoid anxiety—practice living in the moment for that is where happiness and peace are found.

Healthy couples signal each other frequently that they are important to each other and what matters to you, matters to me.

Good personal boundaries protect you. They are clear, firm and sometimes flexible. They promote self esteem.

People with healthy relationship boundaries understand what they are and are not responsible for; they respond to others but are responsible for themselves.

Listening well to our family and friends is the kindest and most compassionate response.

Black-and-white thinking pattern sets up the brain for mood extremes, frequently resulting in depression.

A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. Learn good parenting skills through a Positive Discipline class.

There are many different ways to see the same situation. Our viewpoint can determine our mood.

spouses who are emotionally generous with each other are happier. Check to see you are as interested in meeting your partner’s needs, as you are your own.

Lincoln’s story illustrates that we can form relationships with people who are critical of us—and we can even benefit from their criticism and manage our anger.

We all like to support what we help create. If you work together and include your child’s ideas in the solution, you won’t have to fight the homework wars.

Some children are born extra sensitive, some have experienced trauma in their lives. Regardless of the cause, these children struggle finding personal peace.

When we feel purposeful, confidant and resilient we are anchored to our North Star. If you head away from your North Star, you feel yearning, emptiness and low self esteem.

If you find yourself frequently stuck in a passive, aggressive, or a passive/aggressive style considering finding a counselor to help you learn new interactive patterns.

Eating disorders refers to a group of conditions defined by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individual’s physical and mental health.

“If this is love, why do I feel so bad?” is NOT a mantra for healthy relationships. If you are questioning the quality of your romantic relationships here are some insights.

When listening is done well, it will raise your self esteem and others who you care for.

“I” messages are the most effective way to communicate in our relationships. In “I” messages, you own the problem.

Calm the body and the mind will follow is a good mantra reminding you to breathe deeply when stressed.