Survival Of The Kindest: Why We Love Mr. Rogers

“There are three ways to ultimate success. The first way is be kind. The second way is to be kind. The third way is to be kind.” ~ Mr. Rogers

During a time when politics seems very polarizing and extremes viewpoints gain all the headlines, it is rewarding to see the movie, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood” doing well at the box office. The movie chronicles the life of Fred Rogers and the philosophy behind his highly acclaim television programing for children. As a young mother, I watched his television program and noticed how his tone, manner and subject calmed my children. They were captivated by Mr. Rogers humble simple manner. A touch of Mr. Roger’s kindness and concern for all is just what our country needs now.

Caring about people enough to love them just the way they are has magical powers. If a parent loves a child for who they are instead of who you want them to be, they have a strong base for self-esteem. As a therapist, I have told clients to say the phrase to themselves, “I like you just the way you are,” to redo the harmful childhood messages. But harmful messages to children, can takes years to undo

Kindness Connects People

Social psychologist Dacher Keltner, takes this idea further in Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. In it, he explores Darwin’s little-known work on human emotions and argues that survival is not based on the fittest but on who among us is the kindest.

Consistently in my practice, I see the advantages of empathy. People don’t need to agree but they bond when they feel understood. They become angry when misunderstood or mocked.

When you empathize with me, or “feel my pain,” my sense of identity is connected to yours. As a result, I feel greater in some way and less alone. I may well, as a result, also start to empathize more with you, feel greater compassion and create as George H.W. Bush said, “kinder, more gentle world.”

A recent study in the CMAJ (Canadian Medical Association Journal) showed that clinicians who showed empathy to patients improved their motivation to stick to treatment plans and lowered malpractice complaints and improved heath outcomes.

What do we take from this in our personal lives?

Listen to others—truly feel hear their viewpoint. Don’t marginalize those with who you disagree. Empathy is vital in communities and families as well. Be kind. Help others. Or as, Abraham Lincoln, said, “Do I not destroy my enemies if I make them a friend?”

Recently a Wyoming Highway Patrol trooper, Jaime Wingard checked on a broken down motorist near Cheyenne. She discovered a mother and her handicapped daughter were driving to the Children’s Hospital in Denver when their car broke down. They stated they had help on the way and needed no assistance in the moment. Trooper Winged gave them some phone numbers with information to help as backup as well as her state cell phone number.

The trooper left and went home. While off duty, the individuals contacted her. They were distraught as their help wasn’t panning out and they desperately needed to get to Denver. They asked if Trooper Wingard could give them a ride to the state line.

Since the trooper was off duty, she wasn’t able to use her patrol car. But she felt compelled to help out. She took her personal vehicle, drove to where they had broken down and gave them a ride to the hospital in Denver at her own expense.

It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood when we take the time to help others and be kind. Make Mr. Rogers proud.