During a time when politics seems very polarizing and extremes viewpoints gain headlines, it is rewarding to watch the movie, “A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood”. The movie chronicles the life of Fred Rogers and the philosophy behind his highly acclaim television programing for children. As a young mother, I watched his television program and noticed how his tone, manner and subject calmed my children. They were captivated by Mr. Rogers humble simple manner. A touch of Mr. Roger’s kindness and concern for all is just what our country needs now.
Caring about people enough to love them just the way they have magical powers. If a parent loves a child for who they are instead of who you want them to be, they build a strong base for self-esteem. As a therapist, I have clients say the phrase to themselves, “I like you just the way you are,” to redo the harmful childhood messages. But realistically, damaging childhood memories take adults years to undo.
Kindness Is Key To Our Survival
Social psychologist Dacher Keltner, takes this idea further in Born to Be Good: The Science of a Meaningful Life. In it, he explores Darwin’s little-known work on human emotions and argues that survival is not based on the fittest but on who among us is the kindest.
A recent study in the CMAJ (Canadian Medical Association Journal) showed that clinicians who showed empathy to patients improved their motivation to stick to treatment plans and lowered malpractice complaints and improved health outcomes.
Empathy is the Ultimate Form of Kindness
Consistently in my practice, I see the advantages of empathy. People don’t need to agree but they bond when they feel understood. They become angry when misunderstood or lectured.
When you empathize with me, or “feel my pain,” my sense of identity is connected to yours. As a result, I feel greater in some way and less alone. I may well, as a result, also start to empathize more with you, feel greater compassion and create as George H.W. Bush said, “kinder, more gentle world.”
Recently a Wyoming Highway Patrol trooper, Jaime Wingard checked on a broken-down motorist near Cheyenne. She discovered a mother, and her handicapped daughter were driving to the Children’s Hospital in Denver when their car broke down. They stated they had help on the way and needed no assistance in the moment. Trooper Winged gave them some phone numbers with information to help as backup as well as her state cell phone number.
The trooper left and went home. While off duty, the individuals contacted her. They were distraught as their help wasn’t panning out and they desperately needed to get to Denver. They asked if Trooper Wingard could give them a ride to the state line.
Since the trooper was off duty, she couldn’t use her patrol car. But she felt compelled to help. She took her personal vehicle, drove to where they had broken down and gave them a ride to the hospital to Denver, over 100 miles away. The entire expedition was at her own expense.
How does this apply in personal lives?
Your neighbor can be the person broken down on the side of the road or it can be the lonely widow living next door. Practice random acts of kindness. Listen to others—truly feel and hear their viewpoint. Don’t marginalize those with who you disagree. Empathy is vital in communities and families as well. Practice random acts of kindness. Help others. Or as, Abraham Lincoln, said, “Do I not destroy my enemies if I make them a friend?”
It is a beautiful day in the neighborhood if we make it so. Do it for Mr. Rogers.
CAMILLE CURTIS FOSTER LCSW
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Story of Trooper Jaime Wingard reported in “Sweetwater Now.com
Another good article on subject: https://www.ksl.com/article/46718635/the-health-benefits-of-a-random-act-of-kindness
Sources:
http://www.mindful.org/a-kinder-gentler-world/
